The Delights of "NO!"

So often people complain that they can't say "No" to tasks they don't want to do, or to social outings they don't want to attend.  They haven't realized how much of this goes back to their childhood experiences. when the parents don't allow children to say "No", they then continue with the belief that NO is wrong or will bring terrible consequences. 

When our children reach the magic age of 2, They get great delight in saying “No!’ to everything.  Even if you offer their favorite treat, they’ll say “No!’  Of course, they will still take that treat.   The wise parent either just doesn’t ask, but lifts his child to the table or bath.  Or perhaps they rephrase the question to something like “Do you want to eat before or after you take a bath?”  The child has a choice between two options—both of which the parents want.

Unfortunately, some parents think that the child is disobeying authority.  In this case, they may tell the child, “Don’t say ‘No!’ to your parents.  OF course this action is also stressful for the parent.  The child grows up struggling whenever she wants to say “no!”

Perhaps they have beliefs that it is wrong to say “no”.  Or perhaps people won’t like them if they say “no”.  Or they won’t get a promotion at work if they say “No” to requests to do extra work.  Or they are the only ones that can bake those cakes for the bake sale.  This causes a lot of additional stress.

Sally (not her real name) had two teenage daughters.  Besides her full time job she was teaching Sunday school at her nearby church.  She didn’t enjoy the people in that congregation and wanted to explore other churches.  But she had made a commitment to finish the year and even though she was exhausted she continued.  Then they asked her to be in charge of a fundraiser and she found that she couldn’t say “No”.   She finally got sick with Mono, and missed several weeks of work.  She was also finally able to leave the fundraiser to someone else.

Jo (not her real name) had difficulty saying “No” to social engagements when she really wanted to be alone or just with her family.  She found herself tired and stressed most of the time.  Her children felt neglected by her because they never had enough time to talk.

So much stress and overwhelm is caused by the inability to say “No” and to take care of yourself.  I work with many individuals who have this difficulty.  We go into your aversion to saying “No” and give you the ability to take care of yourself.

We use EFT (commonly known as tapping, to lower the stress hormone, cortisol.)  When you’re less stressed out, you can look at problems with a new insight and then make better decisions. This includes being able to say “No” when you really don’t want to do something. 

Then your “Yes” is a real “Yes” that brings you comfort.